|Winton: Cannot be allowed to cark it|
And this will not do.
So, what can we do to stop Death's icy claw taking away our heroes?
Join us - dear reader - in the Global Save Our Stars Scheme.
|Bloody hell, who let Attenborough near this dangerous, flesh-eating creature?|
Your contribution to the SAVE OUR STARS programme needn't be a national treasure - for every David Attenborough there's a Dean Gaffney, so pick your celebrity and keep them alive until at least 2017 comes round.
I've already popped in on Dale Winton to make sure he's been properly sanded and varnished to the correct shade of orange, so he's all sorted.
And it shouldn't just be heroes. We don't wish death on anybody, so we're all going to have to look after a pantomime villain as well. For every Dalai Lama there's a Vladimir Putin, and we're all in this together.
|Trump: Has a note from his doctor, but can you seriously trust so-called science?|
Who are you going to adopt, citizen?
This is going to take a lot of effort, so please select your celeb and share these instructions. This year has hurt us enough already. Let's do this thing.
|We were too late for Wellard, but Gaffney needs to be reminded to breathe|